Therapy Myths Exploded
Wanna know a secret? Some things that “everybody” knows are just myths:
- Myth: Serious problems can be solved only after intense therapy lasting a year or several years. Most problems can be solved only by carefully tracing them back to a client’s childhood and youth. It’s essential to gain a deep understanding of the root causes. If a problem was years in the making, then it may take years to find a solution.
- Fact: If time and money were of no concern, then it might be interesting to probe your life history and upbringing. But there is no evidence that digging up ancient history actually helps solve people’s problems. The truth is that spending a short time building solutions is much more effective than devoting a long time discussing problems. A good therapist need not understand all the factors that contributed to your current problems in order to help you to build solutions. If you saw a man drowning, would you jump in the water (to better understand his problem) or throw him a lifesaver (to help him solve his problem)? Does it matter how he ended up in the water? Focusing on solutions is faster, cheaper, and much more effective than focusing on problems. And it feels great while you’re doing it, so it’s self-motivating. When my clients have solved their problems, they know when they no longer need therapy, and that normally happens in just weeks or sometimes a few months. They may or may not fully understand how the problems originally developed, but they are so happy that they couldn’t care less.
- Myth: Couples counseling is a waste of time and money, because all we do is argue, while the counselor occasionally asks, “How does that make you feel?”
- Fact: If you have experienced
something like this, then you have simply gotten stuck
with a bad therapist. You can argue at home for free.
There is no reason to pay good money to a therapist who
listens to you argue. Please, do your homework before
selecting a marriage counselor. Ask people you trust.
Read websites carefully. If you still end up with a bad
counselor, then there’s no excuse for allowing this
to continue, week after week. A disappointing experience
with one bad therapist does not mean that marriage
counseling is useless. It’s up to you to find a
counselor who actually helps you! In case you’re
curious, couples never argue in my office. They just
don’t. I keep them so busy building solutions that
they don’t have time to argue.
- Myth: After a partner is caught having a secret affair, the damage is done and repairing the relationship is impossible.
- Fact: More than half of the couples
who come for counseling are here because an act of
infidelity has been discovered. Similarly, many
individual clients seek counseling in desperation,
because they have been caught having an affair or they
have caught their partner being sexually unfaithful. They
come here hoping to repair the damage, but they are
usually very pessimistic. Sometimes their pessimism is
justified. More often, relationships can be repaired. It
doesn’t happen overnight. Trust must be restored
gradually and with sincerity. The important thing to know
is that affairs are not necessarily the end of a
marriage or relationship. People who come for
help want to know how things can ever be like they were
before. Very often, they find an answer here within a
matter of weeks, although it usually takes longer than
that (after counseling) to re-establish mutual trust.
- Myth: My partner and I need therapy because we can’t seem to communicate.
- Fact: In reality, people who have been together for more than a little while are very, very good at communicating with each other. Their problem is that sometimes they don’t pay enough attention to what messages they are communicating. When a woman asks, “Why do you want to stay up and watch that dumb TV show so late?” she is disappointed if she hears no reply. She may conclude that she and her partner can’t seem to communicate. But an experienced therapist knows that a very rich and meaningful conversation may have just occurred. Perhaps the woman was actually asking for sexual intimacy, in a way she felt comfortable asking. Maybe her partner understood her perfectly, and replied (through silence), “I have no wish to make love to you, after the way you let your mother speak to me during dinner.” That’s just one example; the messages may be quite different. But there were messages hiding in the indirect question and the silent response, and an experienced therapist can recognize and shed light on them. The couple will no longer talk past each other in the future. A loving couple can easily solve their problems once they know what the issues really are.
- Myth: “Holistic” therapy means that the therapist embraces and employs “natural” techniques like energy healing, therapeutic touch, aromatherapy, reflexology, homeopathy, and so on. Words like “chakras,” “chi,” “energy,” and “meridians” are used liberally in many of these approaches.
- Fact: It is good to keep an open mind, and a good therapist does not ignore evidence that shows the effectiveness of any technique. At Delray Holistic Therapy, all approaches that have been proven to be effective are taken seriously, and may be used when appropriate. These approaches are sometimes called “Complementary” or “Alternative“ therapies. However, Dr. Ransen never treats clients like guinea pigs; he uses only those techniques that have been thoroughly tested with thousands of people, and have been proven to be safe, effective, and enduring. The word “holistic” is a reminder to our clients that we treat each client as a whole person with important social connections, rather than looking narrowly at individual symptoms. Dr. Ransen honors and treats your biological, psychological, social, and spiritual needs. He never uses labels like “Bipolar Depression,” because that is the first step towards defining you as a “disorder.” Dr. Ransen understands that you are much more than mood swings, which may be a problem you happen to be struggling with at the moment. Also, he knows that solutions can be found anywhere, not just inside your head. Often the best solutions are found in the relationships you have with others who are important to you.
The best results are usually obtained when couples begin with a double session. You will be amazed at how valuable that extra time can be at the beginning of therapy. This is just a suggestion, and is entirely optional.
From Hollywood to West Palm Beach, there’s no better place for couples with problems. Guaranteed.